Spitzit’s House

Where serious topics come to relax

CERN, LHC, and The End of the World, Oh My!

What is the LHC?  It is the Large Hadron Collider.  But don’t let those silly scientist fool you with the word “Large” because this thing isn’t really large.  It is Colossal; It is Huge, Massive, and Gigantic.  Large just doesn’t really do it justice from what I can tell.  It is one Big Super-Colliding Muther (BSCMF) is what it is.

It is the largest Collider in the world and they “turn the switch” on in the next day or so.  It’s ironic to me that among all of the scientific terminology that they use to characterize this machine and what its capabilities are, the one consistent term they use leaves me with the image of some janitor flipping on a light switch in the next 24 hours.  Is it really that simple?

So CERN, The European Organization for Nuclear Research (the acronym is based on the French translation, I believe), and the worlds most brainy physicists from around the globe are really eager to get down to business in Geneva with the greatest scientific experiment ever.   This ain’t your run of the mill chemistry set.  This big baddy or BSCMF and the brain trust around it appear to be looking for the secrets of the universe by recreating the Big Bang in some sort of way.  Sound a little scary?  No worries, they have assured all of us ants that they know exactly what they are doing and we have nothing to worry about.  You won’t feel a thing.

Doomsday theories and predictions have been circulating for decades, even centuries.  Fact of the matter is, it really will happen one day…the end of the world that is.  Nothing lasts forever, not even us.  Will that day be sooner rather than later?  Who knows, but the LHC or BSCMF is the kind of stuff that Star Trek and Star Wars movies are made of.

Here are some worst and best case scenarios when they get around to smashing the crap out of particles in the BSCMF.

Best Case:  We learn all the secrets and answers to the Universe and have a disease-free future filled with immortality, and free digital cable television delivered in HD over a light speed internet.

Worst Case: We learn all the secrets and answers to the Universe, and God gets really ticked that we figured  it all out and decides to vaporize Earth and start all over again.

Best Case:  Science learns awesome revelations that brings about a new era in science and physics.

Worst Case: There is a bright white light, then everything goes black, then we are flying through a giant  worm-hole and end up being pets sold on some galactic black-market to lonely aliens around the Universe that need companions…or snacks.

Best Case:  They safely smash some particles and learn some complicated scientific mumbo jumbo that won’t matter or affect me and you, at least not in our lifetime.

Worst Case:  They unsafely smash some particles and learn that they have unleashed some horrible radio-active crap on the planet.  But instead of warning us all, they run to their safe doomsday bunker and hide buried deep in some mountainside and wait for us all to die a horrible flesh-peeling zombie-like death, so that they can come back out in a few years and start the human race all over again.

Best Case:  Their findings bring about a World filled with unity and peace

Worst Case: Their findings bring about technology that evolves into a super-weapon like the Death-Star that can be used to vaporize continents or even planets, and eventually brings about our own demise.

Bottom line, the world is what it is, and as long as you have peace with yourself and God, then bring it on.  The BSCMF or LHC is most likely not going to do anything but get a bunch of scientists all excited about finding out something…well, new and scientific.  But, if I am going out by the hand of a bunch of over-confident, know-it-all scientists who think they have my best interest in mind, I have two letters for them…”OK”.  In the meantime, I’m just going to sit back and watch me some CSI, play a little X-Box 360 with my kids, and eat some good ice cream and pie.  Just let me know if you do something important like finding a cure for cancer or AIDS.  Outside of that, I don’t want to know if the world is about to explode into a gajillion pieces of anti-matter, or melt down because some janitor accidentally “flipped a switch”  that turned on the “Death Ray”.

That’s my unreasonable uneducated opinion and I’m sticking with it…for now.


September 9, 2008 - Posted by | Everything Else | , , , , ,


  1. To Be Honest
    I Dont Know What To Think

    Half Of Me Agree’s That We ARE NOT (God Forbid) GUNNAH DIE

    I Really Hope Not
    I Actually Wanna Be 16 Sometime Soon (11 DAYS)

    So Yeah
    Pleaseeeeeeee Dont Let it Be True
    I’m Like… Poooooooooopin Myself


    Thankyouuu For Reading My Comment


    Comment by Laurann | September 9, 2008

  2. I am pretty sure you will be fine and have a good birthday, but just in case, now would be a good time to binge on cake and ice cream. Sounds like you need to reach for a roll of toilet paper as well. 😉

    Comment by spitzit | September 9, 2008

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